


i’m afraid of the things in my brain

by live_laugh_murder



Series: intertwined [3]
Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kissing, M/M, angry newt, angry thomas, crank!newt, kind of though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-05 10:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_laugh_murder/pseuds/live_laugh_murder
Summary: Things are going great for Thomas and Newt. That is, until the little things begin to set Newt off, and Thomas has to wonder — Is Newt nearing the Gone again?Part of my intertwined series, but once again, it doesn’t matter if you read the other ones before this one!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sadreel (SPCMRose)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPCMRose/gifts).



> I was planning on posting this on Christmas, but never actually got around to finishing it. SO... Merry Newtmas! Please let me know what you think! It’s been a while since I’ve written a Newtmas fic, so I would love feedback.

The chilly air bites at Thomas’s nose as he makes his way to the front door, and when he steps inside, the warmth envelopes him. It’s still not enough, though. He looks over at Newt on the couch and has the sudden urge to join him, let himself be held and warmed up at his touch.

So he takes off his jacket and shoes and climbs over the back of the sofa, then lies down with his head in Newt’s lap. “Hey. Did Jack like the cookies?”

Thomas nods. “Yeah, but I think the minute I left Minho hid them in his own stash.”

Newt chuckles, kissing Thomas sweetly. “So, him and Jess are a thing now?”

“I guess. I mean, Jess and Jack stay there pretty much every night.”

Nodding, Newt smiles. “She seems good for him. He seems a lot happier. Happier than I’ve ever seen him, anyways.”

Thomas nods in agreement, but quickly changes the subject. “Minho’s having another party tonight... Wanna go?”

But Newt just shrugs. “I dunno. I don’t feel like partying too much. But if you wanna go, I’m not gonna stop you.”

He would like to go. But Thomas can tell that it would make Newt happier if he stayed, so he shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. We can just stay in and watch a movie or something... I think it’s around Christmas time, right? We should find a Christmas movie to watch.” He’s still getting used to keeping track of time in the real world.

Newt nods. “Yeah, it is. I think I have a few choices.”

They just sit there for a while, cuddling and keeping each other warm. They start falling asleep after an hour or so, until a scream followed by a giggle from one of the kids outside makes them jolt awake.

Thomas sighs, sitting up. “I’m gonna run down to the store and get some stuff for dinner. Any preferences?” Newt shakes his head, and Thomas kisses him. “Okay. You’re making pork chops, then.”

Newt grins. “Anything you want, Tommy.”

So Thomas gets his boots and jacket back on, and steps back out into the cold air. It isn’t until he gets down the few stairs that he realizes it’s snowing, and he can’t help but smile. It’s so beautiful, and despite how cold he is, he feels like rolling around in it. It’s just starting to coat the ground, and the kids playing in the street and in their yards are making snow angels, throwing snow balls, and attempting but failing at making snowmen.

Beginning the long trek down the hill, Thomas puts his head down and stares at his feet kicking at the ground as he walks.

“Hey! Thomas!”

Thomas jumps out of his trance after a few minutes, looking up to find a man walking toward him. He’s a neighbor, a man named Caleb, and Thomas knows exactly what’s coming when he sees him.

“Hey, Caleb. How’s it going?”

“Oh, don’t pull that bullshit with me,” Caleb spits. “I need more medicine. Something different.”

Thomas sighs. “I’m sorry. All we have is ibuprofen and some cold medicine. Whatever is down at the store is what we have. It’s not like we can get any real doctors here. We don’t even know where here is.”

“This thing isn’t a cold!” Caleb exclaims angrily. “Jade is burning up. She can’t even walk on her own. My daughter is dying, and you’re telling me you can’t even try to help her? What kind of a hero are you?”

“I’m not one,” Thomas replies, rolling his eyes. “I’m just trying to survive like the rest of you.”

Caleb scoffs. “People are always talking about you like you’re some sort of great, genius leader. I don’t see it. You’re just a coward.”

“I didn’t ask to be a leader, man. I don’t want to be one!” Thomas can’t help but raise his voice.

And apparently that’s enough to set Caleb off, because the next thing Thomas knows, a fist is being connect with his face, and he stumbles back. “My daughter is dying in there!” he yells desperately, getting the attention of the people around them. “Stop ignoring her!”

He pushes Thomas just as he starts to regain balance, and Thomas falls to the ground, getting the air knocked out of him. Caleb kneels over him, punching him again, and then a third time. It isn’t until the sixth or seventh hit that a voice comes from the nearest house.

“Daddy?”

Everyone looks to the little girl holding herself up with the doorframe, pale and sickly, and holding a blanket and teddy bear.

Caleb immediately gets back to his feet, rushing back home. “I’m coming, Jadey. Get back to bed.”

Thomas just sort of lies in the snow for a few moments, trying not to think about all the people staring at him. Finally, he gets to his feet and starts walking back home, trying to wipe blood off with his sleeve, but its already freezing to his face.

Barging in the front door, he goes straight to the kitchen as fast as he can, and just hopes that Newt decided to go back to sleep after Thomas left.

But of course he didn’t. As Thomas starts to get paper towels to wipe the blood with, Newt finds him hunched over the sink, with his back towards him.

“What’s wrong?”

Thomas shakes his head. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Obviously you’re not, what the hell happened?” And with that, he grabs Thomas, and Thomas tries to pull away, but Newt it stronger than him, and he has to turn around. As soon as Newt lays eyes on Thomas, his expression changes. From worried and concerned, to angry and determined. “Who did this?”

“No one. It doesn’t matter.”

Practically growling, Newt slams his fist down on the countertop, and some glasses shake and nearly fall. “It does matter. Who was it?”

But Thomas stays silent, avoiding his eyes, because if he gives a name, there’s no stopping Newt.

So Newt raises his voice. “Tell me, Thomas!” he screams.

Thomas jumps slightly, finally looking up, and he sees the anger in Newt’s eyes. His heart plummets and his stomach twists in knots. He feels like throwing up. “Caleb... It was Caleb,” he answers faintly.

Newt nods, turning and leaving the room.

Thomas follows, grabbing his hand before he reaches the door. “Newt, don’t. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me. I won’t let you get walked all over and not do something about it.”

“I’m not being walked all over, Newt! His daughter is sick and he is scared and angry, and he has a right to be. I’m gonna leave him alone, and I want you to do the same.”

Newt just stares at Thomas for a moment, then takes a deep breath and nods. “Okay. Fine. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

They go back to the kitchen and Newt grabs a rag, wetting it and dabbing Thomas’s face. He starts muttering, “I can’t believe... That son of a bitch, I’m gonna...”

“Newt. It’s not a big deal,” Thomas insists, sighing.

But Newt just rolls his eyes.

Eventually Newt gets Thomas all taken care of and gives him ice to hold onto his eye. Then he walks to the living room and goes to the television, where he has a bunch of DVDs stacked. “Come choose what movie you want.”

Sighing, Thomas just shrugs. “I don’t care. Whatever you want.”

So Newt puts in some black and white Christmas movie, and Thomas curls up on the couch. When Newt is done, he joins him under a blanket and pulls him close. “Tommy?”

Thomas glances over, snuggling into him. “Hm?”

“I really love you. Like, a lot.”

Thomas rolls his eyes playfully. “I love you too.”

“But seriously. Don’t ever forget how much I love you, please.”

Chuckling, Thomas says, “I know, I know.”

About halfway through the movie, Newt starts getting up, and Thomas whines. “No, no, I’m comfy...”

“It’s getting late and you never made it to the store,” Newt responds, setting a pillow under Thomas’s head to replace himself. “I’ll just go pick the stuff up and come back and make dinner, okay? And then we can snuggle for as long as you want.”

Groaning in frustration, Thomas kisses Newt. “Okay. Hurry up. And put on a coat, you’re gonna freeze.”

Newt chuckles. “I know, I will.”

Thomas grins. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Newt steps outside into the snow. It starts to seep in through the tops of his boots, but he ignores it and sets out for his destination. He storms through the street, kicking up snow and balling his hands into fists. Finally, he gets to the house, and walks up the porch stairs, starting to bang on the door.

“Caleb! _Caleb_!”

After a few minutes the door opens and Caleb steps out. “Can I help you? I’m kind of — “

But he doesn’t get to finish his sentence, because as soon as Newt gets the chance to raise his fist, he brings it down on Caleb’s face.

Caleb stumbles into the wall, and Newt grabs him by the front of his shirt and pushes him back until he’s holding him over the railing that keeps him from falling from the porch onto the ground. Still keeping hold with one hand, Newt uses the other to punch him again, and then another few times.

Struggling under him, Caleb grunts, surprised at how strong the kid is for his size. “What the hell? Get off of me!”

“You stay away from him!” Newt screams, throat scratching. “You piece of shit!”

Thomas laughs softly to himself at the movie, then glances over and half expects Newt to be smiling at him, forgetting he had left. Then he glances at the clock, and something dawns on him. A wave of realization washes over him, and he throws the bag of ice to the side and jumps up. “Dammit!”

He runs out of the house and down the street, watching the two figures fighting over by Caleb’s house. Newt now has him in the snow, repeatedly bringing his fists down on him. A few people are standing around watching, shocked, but for the most part the families have gone in their own homes to eat their dinner and stay warm. That, or go to the party.

“ _Newt_! Newt, stop it!”

As Thomas gets closer, he can hear the words Newt is screaming.

“You no good piece of — I’m gonna kill you! Stay the bloody hell away from him!”

His mind goes back to that night, and terror chills his bones. “Newt — _Newt_!” Thomas screams as he forcefully pulls him away from Caleb.

Newt falls on his ass in the cold snow, but starts to get right back up. Thomas grabs his arms and holds him back as Caleb fumbles to get up. “I’m sorry,” he says, trying to tighten his grip. “I’m so sorry.”

“He’s insane!” Caleb shouts, stumbling back to his house. “Put that one down, he’s out of his damn mind.”

Sighing, Thomas finally lets go of Newt as he stops flailing around. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Newt just huffs, storming in front of him as Thomas follows behind.

As soon as Thomas reaches the house, he finds Newt in the kitchen, holding ice to his knuckles and drinking a beer. “What the hell was that?” he asks, raising his voice.

Newt rolls his eyes. “Well, since you obviously can’t defend yourself, I had to do something.” He takes another swig, but Thomas snatches the bottle away and throws it in the sink, breaking the glass.

“I can take care of myself. I don’t need you fighting my battles for me!”

“Yeah? Well, then tell me. When were you going to fight it?” Newt spits out.

“ _I wasn’t_!” Thomas screams. “That poor man is losing his daughter. If I were in his position I would want to hurt someone, too. I’m not gonna fight him on this one!”

Newt scoffs. “Yeah, that’s always been you’re problem, hasn’t it? Always been too weak to fight for what you want.”

“What the hell is your problem?”

Newt just stares at him for a few moments, then turns and storms away, practically growling. But Thomas follows, refusing to let him get away with this.

“Don’t walk away from me! Come back here!” he yells, with Newt already halfway up the stairs.

He walks up after him, going to their bedroom to find him throwing a book across the room, then turning and hitting the wall. He looks like he wants to scream, but bites his lip hard instead, to keep it from coming out. The anger in his eyes makes Thomas want to leave him alone, to stay away so he doesn’t get hurt, so he doesn’t have to witness this. But he stays.

“Are you sure that cure even worked, Newt?” Thomas asks. “Cause you seem a hell of a lot like one of those cranks right now.”

Newt freezes, turning to him. He looks hurt, but mad. “So what if I am?” he shouts, getting closer. “What if I’ve gone mad? I finally lost it! What the bloody hell are you going to do about it?”

Thomas hesitates, taken aback, sure that Newt really has lost it. But he looks in his eyes. He’s angry. But not crazy. It’s not the same look from that night. So he takes a breath and answers the question. “I’m not gonna do anything,” he says, shrugging. “I’m gonna go to that party at Minho’s. And I’m gonna have a great fucking time.”

Newt’s face falls, as if he’s just realizing what he’s been doing. “Wait, Thom — Tommy.” But Thomas has already started walking away, and this time it’s Newt that goes after him. “I’m sorry, Tommy. Come on, don’t leave.”

Thomas grabs his jacket, slipping it on along with his shoes. “Have a nice night, Newt.”

He opens the door, stepping out into the cold and slamming it behind him. He can hear the yelling from Newt as he walks away, but he ignores it, kicking through the snow over to the party.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a party ends in disaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short little update! it was going to be longer, but i liked where i ended it. enjoy! let me know what you think please!

The music blasts as soon as he opens the door, and he hesitates. There are a lot of people. But he makes himself go in, heading straight for the kitchen, where he grabs a beer from the fridge.

“Hey, you made it!” Minho shouts in his ear. “Where’s Newt?”

“At home,” Thomas answers. “We got in a fight.”

Minho nods. “Yeah, I heard about the thing with Caleb. Sorry about that.”

Thomas just shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“Hey, I thought you didn’t like beer,” Minho says, gesturing to the drink in his hand.

“I need it,” Thomas answers, popping it open and taking a few large gulps.

-

Minho grabs Thomas’s hand, pulling him up from the couch and setting his third beer on the table. Thomas groans. “What do you want?”

“You’re bumming everyone out. This a party, go dance.” Minho points across the room. “Look, Brenda is dancing alone. Go hang out with her.”

Thomas nods. “Okay, fine.”

He makes his way across the room, finding Brenda and hugging her. It’s been a while since they talked. “Hey!” Brenda greets excitedly. “It’s about time you got off of that damn couch.”

Thomas chuckles. “Shut up and dance!” He grabs her hands, spinning her around, and they both laugh, throwing their heads back. For about half an hour they move to the beat, getting sweaty and hot and out of breath, but it doesn’t matter; they’re having fun.

“I miss this!” Brenda yells over the music. “Dancing together at parties. You know, like... before.”

Thomas nods. “Me too. This is nice.”

Brenda chugs the rest of her beer, throwing her hands up in the air and cheering. “Woo!” She screams as she jumps on Thomas’s back.

Thomas just laughs, holding her up and then walking through the crowd and putting her down on the couch. She pulls him down with her, though, and soon they’re tangled up together on the couch, sinking into the cushions, trying to separate.

Thomas laughs. “Dude, you’re so drunk.”

“Tommy?”

Thomas stops, looking up to find Newt standing over them, a scowl on his face. He sighs, finally getting untangled from Brenda and standing up, stumbling as he does. “What are you doing here?”

Newt shrugs. “I didn’t want you to be alone at a party... But obviously I didn’t have to worry about that,” he mutters, glancing at Brenda.

But Thomas shakes his head. “No, we were just hanging out. Nothing happened, I promise.”

Newt looks unconvinced, though. He sighs, taking Thomas’s hands. “Listen, Tommy, I’m really sorry about earlier. I was an ass. And I feel terrible. I hate feeling like you’re mad at me. Can we just forget about it?”

Hesitating, Thomas starts to nod. “I hate being mad at you, too... Come on, let’s dance.” He pulls Newt into the crowd, pulling him closer and putting his arms around his neck.

Newt puts his hands on Thomas’s waist, hugging him and slamming their lips together.

Thomas kisses right back, grinning and moving his lips against Newt’s.

“Ooh, you shanks made up, did ya?” Minho says, snickering as he walks past them.

Thomas pulls away, blushing as he flips his friend off and then turns back and kisses Newt again.

Out of the corner of his eye, Thomas notices some people looking out the window, and others glance over in interest. But he doesn’t want to let go of this moment, so he kisses Newt again, holding him tight. “I love you.”

“I love you more, Tommy...”

Then the muttering starts, getting louder and louder until Thomas can start making out the phrases.

“Who is that?”

“I’ve never seen her before.”

“She doesn’t live here.”

“She’s getting closer.”

“Is she looking for someone?”

Finally Minho makes it to the door, stepping outside to get a better look. People follow him, heading outside to see who the stranger is.

When Minho comes back in, he goes straight for Thomas and Newt. “Thomas,” he says, “You need to come see this.”

Nodding, Thomas pulls away from Newt, just grabbing his hand and following Minho. They push through the crowd of people until they get down the porch steps and onto the ground, where there’s now a semi-circle formed around the girl.

Thomas freezes at the sight of her. With just a light jacket to protect her from the cold, it’s easy to recognize the person in front of him. His best friend.

He can vaguely feel Newt’s grip on his hand tightening. “Tommy...”

But Thomas just slips his hand out of Newt’s and runs over, enveloping her in his arms. “Teresa...” Tears spill over in his eyes, but start to freeze on his cheeks as soon as they hit the air.

“Thomas... I’m so glad I found you...”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thomas and newt figure out what to do about teresa, but can’t seem to figure out how to fix themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being a lot of angst, sorry! also just a warning — don’t hate me but I never really liked teresa’s character. i did my best writing her character, but it might be a bit weird or off. let me know what you think!

Thomas pulls away, looking her over. Snow covers her long dark hair, and her nose and cheeks are bright red from the cold. He takes her hands. They’re freezing. “I thought you were dead, I... I saw you die...”

Teresa shakes her head. “It — It’s a long story...”

Nodding, Thomas glances around. “Okay, come on. We’ll get you inside, you can get warmed up and maybe get some sleep.” He meets Minho’s eyes, nodding to tell him to do something.

Minho nods back, stepping up and cupping his hands around his mouth to make himself heard. “Everyone go home! Party’s over!”

The crowd moves away, and Thomas leads Teresa over to his and Newt’s house. He can feel her relax when they get inside, feeling warmer already. “Here. I’ll get you a blanket.” He reaches over the couch and grabs a big fuzzy one, wrapping it around her.

“Thank you, Thomas.”

Thomas nods. “Of course. Do you need anything else? I’ll make some hot chocolate.”

“Do you have a shower?” Teresa asks, shivering.

“Yeah. Yes. Come on.” He puts his arm around her, helping her up the stairs, and then glances down to Newt. “Can you boil some water, Newt? For her hot chocolate.”

As soon as Thomas is gone, Newt scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Minho raises an eyebrow. “What’s your problem, man?”

Newt just shakes his head, making his way to the kitchen. “I just... I don’t trust her.” He grabs a small pot and fills it with water, dropping it angrily onto the stove and then lighting the flame.

“Okay, listen, I know you weren’t there when all this happened, and all you really remember is her betraying us, but... I don’t know, Newt, I was there, okay?” Minho says. “She saved Thomas. I think we can trust her... and that’s coming from _me.”_

Newt sighs. “No, you don’t understand. I know — I’ve — There are just things that you guys don’t know.”

Thomas turns on the water, making sure it’s not too hot before turning back around. “There are clothes in the drawers in my room, okay? You can take whatever you need to stay warm. I’ll have your hot chocolate ready when you’re done.”

Teresa nods. “Thank you.”

“You never need to thank me, Teresa.”

Thomas closes the bathroom door, heading back downstairs and to the kitchen, when Newt and Minho are now sitting in silence.

“I can’t believe she’s alive,” he says, a small smile on his face.

Newt rolls his eyes. “Of course you can’t.” He gets up, making his way to the stove and turning the flame off under the boiling water.

Thomas walks over. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Here’s your damn water,” he huffs, pushing the pot towards him. Some of the water spills over the edge, falling onto Thomas’s arm.

“ _Shit_!” Thomas shouts, wincing in pain and holding his arm. “What the hell, Newt?”

Newt reluctantly says sorry, going to grab ice from the freezer, but Thomas shakes his head. “Whatever. Can we just - “ He glances at Minho. “Come here.” He grabs Newt’s wrist, pulling him out to the dining room. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Newt groans, not even looking at Thomas.

“That’s bullshit.” Thomas crosses his arms over his chest. “My best friend is... she’s alive. Can’t you just be happy about that?”

Newt scoffs. “I was your best friend, too. I was alive when you thought I was dead.”

“It’s different with her, Newt, and you know it,” Thomas argues. “She was... We were together before the maze, and I actually have a few memories of her, no matter how vague they are. She’s like... I don’t know. Like a connection to my life.”

At this, something snaps in Newt, and he looks up, realizing something.

“You still care about her, don’t you?” he asks. “You still have feelings for her.”

Thomas pauses, doesn’t say anything.

Newt steps forward. “ _Don’t you?”_

Thomas shakes his head. “Newt. N — No, I - “

“ _Don’t lie to me_!” Newt screams, grabbing Thomas and pushing him into the wall.

“No!” Thomas shouts. “No, I don’t, okay? I don’t have feelings for her, Newt. I love you. You don’t have anything to worry about. So can you please just try to trust her?”

Newt pushes him back again. “Why are you so blind? She cannot be trusted! Step back and take a look at reality for a minute, Thomas!”

“I already did!” Thomas says. “I went through this! I thought we couldn’t trust her, and then she sacrificed herself for me and I realized we can. Even if she made some mistakes, she wants what’s best for us.”

Newt chuckles bitterly. “Mistakes? I’d call it more than a mistake.”

“So she betrayed us!” Thomas exclaims, shoving Newt back and standing up straight. “And she regretted it!”

“Open your eyes!” Newt yells. “She didn’t just betray us, she was never with us!”

Thomas scoffs. “Okay. Yeah, sure. You are unbelievable.”

He starts to walk away, but Minho comes in and blocks his way. “I think you should listen to him.”

Thomas huffs and reluctantly sits down at the dining room table. “Fine. What?”

Newt sits across from him, and Minho takes the seat next to him.

“Teresa wasn’t sent up to the maze like the rest of us,” Newt says. “She had her memories the whole time.”

Thomas’s heart drops, and he shakes his head. “What? No. How could you possibly know that?”

“I had a lot of interesting conversation with Ava Paige when I came here for the first time,” Newt answers. “She showed me a document written by Teresa to the people in charge. To WICKED. She said that she was going to make us all believe that she had no idea what was going on, and that she didn’t remember anything about her life.” He reaches in his back pocket, pulling out a paper and giving it to Thomas. “I was hiding this, I wasn’t gonna tell you, but...”

Looking over the document, Thomas sighs. He doesn’t wanna believe it. “I don’t... But she was...”

“She truly believed that WICKED is good, Tommy,” Newt stated, a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry.”

Minho looks up, biting his bottom lip. “What are you gonna do?”

Thomas shrugs. “I have no idea. I have to get rid of her, I guess.”

“Okay.” Minho stands up. “I’m gonna go home. Unless — Do you need my help with her?”

Shaking his head, Thomas gets to his feet. “No, get some sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“Night, ya ugly shanks,” Minho says, waving goodbye on his way out the door.

“Are you okay, Tommy?” Newt asks, standing up.

Thomas nods. “Yeah, Newt, I’m great,” he answers, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I cannot believe — “

“Thomas?”

Stopping at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs, Thomas looks around the corner to find Teresa coming down, wearing one of his sweatshirts. “Hey,” she says. “Thanks for the shower, that felt amazing. Is the — “

“What the hell is this?” Thomas asks, shoving the paper into Teresa’s chest.

She grabs it, looking down, and when she looks up her face has completely changed. Fear, guilt, sadness, anger. “Thomas, I can explain — “

“Oh, yeah? Go ahead. I’m listening.”

“I — I...”

Thomas scoffs. “That’s what I thought.”

“Thomas! Wait, I — “ But she stops, spotting Newt standing across the room, arms crossed over his chest. “You,” she says spitefully, storming over to him. She holds up the paper. “You did this. How did you find out?”

Newt shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. I wasn’t going to let you ruin Thomas’s life again.”

Thomas grabs her arm, pushing her away from him. “I want you out of here, now.”

Her face turns sad again, and she bites her bottom lip, chin quivering. “No, please, I don’t — “

“Just answer this for me — And if you give me an answer that I like, I might consider letting you stay... How are you alive?” Thomas asks. “You died right in front of me.”

Teresa sighs, rolling her eyes. “Of course WICKED wasn’t gonna let me die. I was the one person they trusted that gave them a connection to you all.”

“And why would they need that connection?” Newt asks. “If everything with WICKED is over, anyway?”

She just shrugs in reply. “There were... rumors. Talk of starting the experiments back up again in later years. I’m not sure if they’re planning on going through with it, anymore.”

“And why die the way you did?” Thomas asks. “Why not just stay with everyone else? You sacrificed yourself for me.”

“I wasn’t afraid. I knew that WICKED wouldn’t let me die, and I wanted to show you that you could trust me.”

Newt scoffs, stepping closer. “What, so he would trust you after you showed up again after years? Where have you been, huh? With WICKED?”

Teresa hesitates, opening her mouth but not making a sound. She knows there’s no way she’s getting out of this one.

“One more question,” Thomas says softly. “Do you regret all those things you did? Selling us out? Your friends? Me?”

Teresa purses her lips for a moment before asking, “Do you want an honest answer?”

Thomas nods. “I thought so. Get out.”

“No! Thomas — “

Fed up, Thomas throws his hands in the air. “I said _get out!_ ” he shouts. He storms past her, grabbing the jacket she was wearing when she arrived and throwing it at her, then opening the door.

She doesn’t even bother to put it on, starting to walk slowly to the door, a sad look on her face. As soon as she steps out, she immediately turns around, facing Thomas and Newt, who’s standing right behind him. “Please. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“That’s bullshit,” Thomas replies. “I’m sure they’ll take you back without hesitating. Because WICKED is good, right?”

There are a few people outside still, and they stop their conversation to stare.

“Just get the hell away from here, and don’t come back,” Thomas spits out, glaring at her with pure hatred.

Finally, after a decade, she turns, going slowly down the steps and walking down the hill as she slips on her jacket.

Thomas turns back to Newt, that angry glare still stuck on his face. “Are you happy now?” he asks, pushing past him and walking into the house.

Taken aback, Newt closes the door and goes after him. “What the bloody hell did I do?”

“She was my best friend, Newt!” Thomas says, grabbing a glass and getting some water from the tap. He takes a drink. “And I just had to kick her out, basically Banish her from this place!” He turns away and goes into the dining room, setting down his cup and trying to calm himself down.

Newt scoffs. “So you’re upset that I told you? I was helping you! She obviously — “

“I am not mad that you told me, Newt!” Thomas exclaims, turning to face him. “I’m mad that you told me because you were jealous!”

Looking at him like he’s crazy, Newt laughs. “Jealous? I am not jealous! She wasn’t trustworthy! Before I knew she was alive, I was just gonna let you live with how you remembered her, but she came out of nowhere! What if she was here to hurt us? I was never jealous, so don’t hold yourself so high.”

Rolling his eyes, Thomas shakes his head. “You were always jealous of her! You think I never saw the way you looked at her in the Maze? And at the party, what was that? You just couldn’t stand the thought of me alone at a party? Worried if you didn’t keep an eye on me, I would hook up with someone else? Do you really not trust me that much?”

Huffing, Newt looks to the side and smiles bitterly. “Well, you were the one responsible for putting us in the bloody maze. Kinda hard to trust someone like that, right?”

Thomas has to admit. He wasn’t expecting that blow. He didn’t think Newt would go so low. “Fuck you.”

As if suddenly realizing what he said, Newt’s face falls. “No, wait, Tommy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that — “

“I know exactly what you meant,” Thomas replies, turning, pushing past him and heading for the door.

Newt goes after him, of course. “Please, listen. I — I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean — I trust you, Tommy! What are you — Where are you going? Please, don’t go,” he says, reaching out and grabbing Thomas’s hand.

Thomas yanks it away, grabbing his coat. “Get off of me!

“Don’t... Don’t leave... Where are you going?” Newt asks, anxious.

“Why?” Thomas asks, rolling his eyes as he slips on his coat and boots. “Wanna follow me? Make sure I don’t find someone to hook up with while I’m gone?”

Newt just shakes his head, looking down. “ _Please, Tommy_. I’m sorry.”

But Thomas just ignores him, stepping out into the cold air and slamming the door behind him.

Newt chokes out a sob, leaning up against the wood of the door and sliding down to the floor. “ _I’m sorry_ ,” he whispers. But it floats away into the empty house. No one is there to hear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> newt is angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just saw the tdc movie and it’s gonna take a me a while to cope, so here’s a short little update before i possibly go missing for a while due to grief.

Newt doesn’t keep track of the time. He doesn’t know how long it is before his sadness starts transforming into anger. But he looks at the TV, still playing that stupid black and white movie. It’s already started itself over automatically, since he didn’t bother to turn off the television. But the scene that’s playing — a family, a small child on the father’s back, more little kids at his legs, hugging him, and the mother smiling at them all. They’re all laughing.

But the sight of it. The pure joy in their expressions. And the sound. He misses laughing. Genuinely, belly-aching, cheeks-hurting, laughing.

And the idea of someone else having that pleasure when he’s stuck like this... It consumes him.

He tries to calm himself down. He really does. He gets to his feet and goes to the kitchen, grabbing a beer. Leaning against the counter, Newt takes a swig. But it only takes a few sips to realize how ridiculous he is, all alone, drowning his sorrows in alcohol. Allowing himself to cry out, he throws the bottle, and it breaks against the wall.

Mad. Angry. Infuriated. Scared. Afraid. Fucking terrified.

And then there’s that thing. The one in his head. Jumping around in his brain.

But the problem is, he can’t figure out if it’s really there. He feels it, definitely, but that’s not possible. He shouldn’t be feeling this again. It was supposed to be over.

But Newt can’t deny the itch in the back of his mind. He wants to throw things. Hit something. Scream.

So he does. Realizing he’s still just standing in the middle of the kitchen, breathing heavily, Newt makes his way out to the living room. There’s a fallen pillow lying on the floor, like it’s waiting for him. He grabs it, tossing it across the room. It hits a lamp, and they both fall back to the floor. It’s not enough. He kicks a table. Throws Thomas’s leftover glass of water. Punches the wall. None of it satisfies the thing in his brain, the thing causing all this rage.

The only other thing he can think to do is just scream. He doesn’t even remember his hands flying to his head, but the pain he feels makes him realize he’s pulling at his hair.

He must look crazy. Crank Crazy. And maybe he is. Maybe WICKED was wrong. Maybe he’s not safe anymore.

But at least Tommy isn’t here to see it.


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m worried about him,” Minho says, handing Thomas a cup of coffee and taking a seat on the couch next to him. “I mean, I get that you’re angry, but... This isn’t like him.”

Thomas shrugs. “Maybe he really just doesn’t trust me. With anything.”

Minho rolls his eyes. “You know he didn’t mean all that clunk.”

“Maybe...” Thomas sighs, taking a sip of his drink. “I’m just exhausted. It’s been a long day. I should probably just go home.” He stands up, and Minho follows suit.

“Do you wanna crash here?” he asks. “Maybe you two lovebirds could use a night apart, cool down a little.”

Thomas shakes his head, grabbing his coat, which hangs over a chair. “I’m fine. We should probably talk things out,” he says, putting on the jacket.

“Awww, look at you and your healthy relationship habits,” Minho says, smiling and ruffling Thomas’s hair. Thomas slaps his hand away and rolls his eyes, and Minho’s expression turns more serious. “Really, though. I hope everything turns out okay.”

“Thanks, Minho.”

Minho just nods. “Let me know if you need anything, man. Okay?”

Thomas hugs him quickly, then rushes out the door. The wind has definitely picked up from earlier, and he just tries to make it home as fast as he can, get out of the cold.

It’s just the next house over, so it takes about thirty seconds before he’s up the porch steps and ready to get warmed up. But just as he reaches out for the handle, he sees something move out of the corner of his eye. So he turns, looking in the window, but staying to the side so he can’t be seen. It takes a few moments for something to happen, and when it does, Thomas sees a pillow flying across the room, hitting the wall, and falling back to the floor.

Newt comes into view. His hair is messy, face red, and eyes wild.

A muffled scream escapes Newt’s mouth, and Thomas looks around, wondering if he’ll wake anyone up. When he looks back, Newt is pacing the living room. His lips are moving slightly, and once in a while a hand comes up and hits his head.

Thomas freezes.

_Oh God. Oh no. Please no._

Stumbling a bit, he turns and runs. He bursts through Minho’s front door, shouting. “Minho! _Minho_!”

Minho steps out of the kitchen, worry all over his face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“You need to see this. Come on.”

He waits impatiently as Minho rushes to slip on shoes, and then they run back over to his house together.

“Look,” Thomas says, pointing to the window.

Minho steps up, expression falling at the scene. Newt is know on his knees, pulling at his hair, punching the floor, the couch, anything he can. “No...”

“Do you think it’s happening again?” Thomas asks. “I mean, do you think he’s...”

Minho glances over at him. “That’s impossible, right? He said he was immune now.”

Thomas nods to himself, like he’s trying to convince himself that it’s true. “Yeah. Right. You’re right.”

They look back inside, but find nothing except the empty, trashed living room. Newt is nowhere to be seen.

“Shit, where did he go?” Minho asks, looking over at Thomas.

But Thomas doesn’t answer, turning and barging in the door. “Newt!” he shouts, running up the stairs with Minho following behind him.

At the sound of glass breaking, Thomas runs into their room. Newt is standing over a drawing of the two of them, that one of the kids in the neighborhood had drawn for them. The frame it was in is shattered on the floor around it.

Newt doesn’t seem to see them. He slams his hand down on their dresser, swiping his arm across it and knocking a bunch of things on to the ground and making Thomas and Minho jump.

“What the hell are you doing?” Newt mutters to himself.

Then one of his hands, which are already balled into tight fists, comes up, and it collides with the mirror above the dresser.

Newt screams, both in pain and anger.

This finally snaps the boys out of their daze, and they rush forward and grab him.

Newt jumps and thrashes for a second, but finally he just allows them to take him into the bathroom. “I’m sorry.” He keeps saying it. Over and over again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

They set him down on the toilet seat, and Thomas kneels down in front of him, holding his face in his hands. “It’s okay. Just calm down, alright?”

“Where’s your first aid stuff?” Minho asks, standing up straight.

Thomas has to think for a second, so distracted by this amazing boy in front of him. It breaks his heart. “Uh, the closet in the hall.”

Minho runs out, and Thomas continues to look up at Newt sadly. “Just take a deep breath. It’s alright... Stop apologizing, Newt, it’s okay. Just calm down and talk to me. What’s going on with you?”

Judging by the look on his face, Thomas knows Newt won’t be able to talk intelligibly for a bit, so he just looks down and focuses in on his injury. Minho comes back with the first aid kit quickly, opening it and setting it on the floor by Thomas.

Thomas grabs the tweezers, starting to pick out small pieces of glass from Newt’s skin. Minho picks out the bigger ones that he’s able to grab with his fingers. After they get all the glass out, Thomas cleans the blood off with a wet rag.

Turns out the cuts aren’t very deep, so they don’t need to give him stitches. They just wrap his hand up and tape it, hoping it’s good enough.

“Better?” Thomas asks, looking up at Newt through his eyelashes, while Minho puts all their supplies away in the hall.

Newt nods absentmindedly. “Thanks, Tommy. Sorry for the scare.”

Standing up, Thomas grabs Newt’s good hand and helps him get to his feet. “Let’s just get you in bed.”

Newt is mostly able to walk on his own, except for his incredibly shaky legs, but Thomas still holds him tight until they get to the bed, where he lets him sit, then climbs on and sits across from him.

Minho comes in just as Thomas sits, taking a seat next to him and looking at Newt. “So? What’s going on, dude? Are you okay?”

Newt shakes his head. “I’m fine, guys.”

Thomas just sighs, but Minho scoffs. “I’m sorry, no. That’s a load of clunk. Tell us what’s wrong and maybe we can help.”

“I don’t know,” Newt replies, arms crossed in his lap. “I’m just... angry.”

“Well, you seemed a little more than just angry, Newt,” Thomas says quietly. “What are you mad about?”

Newt looks up. He meets Thomas’s eyes, opening his mouth to say something, but then seems to change his mind and shakes his head again. “I don’t know. There’s... a lot of different things that just... I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Thomas repeats, reaching out and taking Newt’s hand. “Just tell us the truth, okay? Is there... Something wrong? Like, really wrong? Is something going wrong with the cure? Are you not immune anymore?”

Continually shaking his head, Newt purses his lips. He looks like he’s holding back tears. “I — I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared, Tommy. I don’t wanna turn into that thing again.”

“You won’t,” Thomas assures. “There’s no way you will, okay? Everything’s gonna be alright... Now can you just tell us some of the things that are making you mad? Maybe we can help.”

Newt shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, everything with Teresa. How she acted like she was our friend and we trusted her, and then she stabbed us in the back.”

Minho clears his throat. “Uh, just to be clear, I never trusted her.”

Newt just ignores him, rolling his eyes. “And... I dunno. Seeing you at the party tonight with Brenda... And how Caleb thought it was okay to do that to you earlier, and I still want to hurt the people at WICKED for what they did to us, and...”

He rambles on for about five minutes, listing all the things that are making him angry. The room is completely silent after he says his last words: “And... And I’m mad at you, Thomas, for shooting me. I know I told you to and I threatened you, but... I thought you were better than that.”

“Wow,” Minho sighs out after a minute. He looks at Newt’s face, red with anger, his fists clenched without even realizing it. “And you’re supposed to be the calm one.”

Newt stares at him for a moment. Then he goes off like a bomb.

“ _Right_. Cause I was always the one that had to keep his cool back in the Glade. To make people feel better.” He gets to his feet, staring hard at Minho and Thomas. “Well, here’s a shocker for you. I’ve always been angry. So why am I not allowed to show it like everybody else?”

And with that, he turns and storms out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that after this chapter, there’s probably only going to be one more! Unless i think of another conflict to bring in. Otherwise, you’ll have to keep an eye out for the next fic in the series, cause there is no way I’m ending it on this note! Thanks! Enjoy!

“I... I didn’t mean...” Minho says softly, taken aback.

“I know,” Thomas sighs. “He’s not thinking straight.” He gets to his feet, heading out of the room to search for Newt.

With Minho behind him, he goes downstairs. They find him in the living room, sitting on the couch, his leg bouncing up and down. Thomas can’t help but notice that he’s rubbing his forearm absentmindedly, and he’s suddenly terrified that Newt will pull his long sleeve up to reveal veins popping up under his skin.

“Can I just be alone for a while?” Newt asks, bitterness in his tone.

Thomas shakes his head. “No offense, Newt, but bad things tend to happen when you’re left alone.” He glances around the messy room to make his point.

And suddenly, Newt is on his feet, infuriated. “Who’s not trusting now, huh?”

“Hey, calm down,” Minho says quickly, grabbing Newt’s arm. “We just wanna help.”

Newt yanks his arm away roughly and turns to face his other friend, stepping closer. “I don’t want your fucking help. I can take care of this on my own.”

“And what exactly is it that you’re taking care of?” Thomas asks.

Newt hesitates, like he doesn’t know how to answer. Then he repeats, “I don’t want your help.”

“I don’t care if you want it or not, Newt,” Minho says firmly. “You need help... It’ll be okay, we can figure something — “

And then Newt’s fist connects with Minho’s face. Minho starts to fall back, and Thomas catches him, but Newt pushes him away.

Thomas’s back hits the wall hard and he gets the air knocked out of his chest as he stumbles to the ground. When he gets the chance to look back up, Newt is on top of Minho, his fists coming down repeatedly.

Minho struggles under him, trying to get a good grip to push him off, but Newt is moving too fast, so he just keeps putting his hands up and tries to block the punches.

“Newt, stop!” Thomas wheezes, just starting to get his breath back. He slowly gets back to his feet, and goes to push Newt away, but Newt’s flailing hands get the best of him and he pushes his knee in, sending him stumbling back again.

This time it’s his head that hits the wall. Pain explodes in his skull, and his head starts spinning, but he manages to keep himself conscious and crawls over to his friends.

Minho is shouting. Newt is screaming. It’s like Thomas is seeing what happened between him and Newt that night from a different point of view.

And it’s terrifying.

So he lifts his arm up and socks Newt in the gut, which buys him enough time to pull Minho towards him and cover most of his body to protect him while their friend stumbles back.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asks, his head throbbing.

Minho looks afraid and heartbroken. “I... I don’t...”

For a second, Thomas wonders why Minho seems more freaked out than him. Shouldn’t he be terrified right now? But then he remembers that Minho wasn’t the one that dealt with this the first time. He had only heard what happened, but he never truly understood what went down until now.

“Are you?” Minho asks, trying to catch his breath.

Thomas nods a bit, rubbing his head. “I’ll be fine.”

Then they both slowly get to their feet, bracing for more fighting. But when they turn around, there’s no one there.

“Shit,” Minho says, looking around. “Where did he go?”

Thomas shakes his head and makes his way over to the door. They step out into the cold night air and look up and down the hill. There’s not a soul in sight. “He wouldn’t have gotten far,” Thomas says. “We would be able to see him. I don’t think he left.”

“Well, where the hell would he have gone?” Minho asks as they go back inside and he closes the door.

Thomas stays quiet, thinking for a moment. Then he looks up. “I think I know where.” Without another word, he turns and heads up the stairs.

At the end of the hall he turns into their bedroom and then stops, looking at a window by their bed. It leads out to the roof, a place he and Newt have gone a lot over the past year or so. It’s just quiet, and they can think, or watch the activity going on around the neighborhood. It’s dark out, but he can make out the figure of Newt sitting on the edge of it, his legs dangling over.

“I should probably go talk to him first.”

Minho seems hesitant. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave you alone with him?”

“He’s still Newt,” Thomas insists, but Minho just raises his eyebrows in disbelief. “I’ll be okay. Just go clean yourself up,” he says, motioning to Minho’s bloody face. The bruises are starting to form.

As Minho turns and leaves the room, Thomas sighs and steps toward the window. He lifts it open and waits for Newt to turn and look at him, but he doesn’t move a muscle. So Thomas lifts both of his legs over, then puts the rest of his body through.

The roof is slippery. If it was sloped at all, he would probably have a hard time staying up, but it’s flat on this section of the house. Getting his balance, he starts to make his way over to the other boy.

Newt speaks up then.

“Go away, Thomas.”

He almost wants to. He’s so scared, he thinks it might be safer to just leave. But he can’t do that to Newt. “Why do you keep calling me that?” Thomas asks. He’s still standing behind Newt, and Newt doesn’t bother to turn and look at him, doesn’t even bother to reply. “Thomas. Why do you keep calling me Thomas?”

“That is your name, isn’t it?”

“You know what I mean,” Thomas says, continuing to keep his distance but taking a step forward. “You always call me Tommy. You only ever call me Thomas when you’re mad at me.”

Newt scoffs. “I thought I’d made it pretty clear that I’m angry.”

“So... not just jealous?” Thomas asks, trying to make a joke of their fight earlier. Who knows, maybe it could lighten the mood.

Newt shakes his head. “Not just jealous,” he confirms.

Finally, Thomas works up the courage to take a seat next to Newt. “Seriously, Newt. I’m sorry about today. I get now that the way you acted wasn’t because you’re jealous, it’s... there’s a lot more going on. I just wanna know what that is.”

Newt is quiet, starting to hold his forearm again, rubbing it. “I might be,” he says. “Jealous.”

Thomas looks up. “What?”

“Not just because I thought you were gonna cheat on me with Teresa, or cause you were cuddling with Brenda at a party, though.”

“Then what?”

Newt shrugs, hesitating. “I’m jealous of what you think of Teresa. How you think she’s your only connection to your past.”

“Well, yeah, she kind of is — ”

“I knew you. Before the maze.”

Thomas pauses, a million thoughts running through his mind. “Wait. What? Did you... work for WICKED too?” But that couldn’t be possible... Wouldn’t he have at least some vague memories of working with him, like he does with Teresa?

Newt quickly shakes his head. “No. But we all lived at the WICKED facility before you guys sent us up to the Maze. We used to hang out together and sneak around late at night.”

It’s weird. Thomas isn’t sure what he imagined his childhood to be like before the Maze. He certainly never imagined Newt being there. But he likes the idea of having Newt with him his whole life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Newt try and work things out.

“How did you find out?”

“It was just part of all the things Ava Paige told me before coming here. She gave me a bunch of our old things.” And Thomas swears he can see a ghost of a smile on Newt’s face. “We used to write letters to each other. I would slip yours under your door, and you would put mine under the door of a maintenance closet we would meet up in. Apparently after we were all sent up there, someone was cleaning out rooms and found a whole stash of them. Ava saved them for us.”

Thomas sighs. “I always thought of her as the bad guy.”

Newt shrugs. “I guess she had hope that one day we would be safe. In a place like this. So she kept our memories from our childhood all those years.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that earlier?”

Newt shrugs. “We’ve always been so adamant on not wanting our memories back, I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to know.”

Thomas just kind of stares at Newt for a few moments. He really wants to hug him, to hold each other and stay there forever. But he’s afraid to make any sudden moves. “Can I kiss you yet?”

Newt doesn’t answer, just looks over at Thomas. Then he finally lets go of his own forearm, reaching up and putting his hand behind Thomas’s neck to pull him closer before gently kissing him.

Finally touching Newt like this again, makes something click inside Thomas. He can almost forget about the past twenty-four hours and just be here forever.

When they pull away, Thomas sighs, almost contently. “I love you.”

Before Newt can reply, Thomas can see Minho out of the corner of his eye. He turns to find him poking his head out of the open window. “Can I come out yet?” And without waiting for an answer, he climbs onto the roof and takes a seat on the other side of Thomas.

Newt looks at Minho’s face. There’s no blood anymore but there are bruises all over, plus a busted lip. “I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like such a slinthead lately.”

Thomas hesitates before asking his next question, afraid of another outburst. But he knows someone has to ask it. “Newt... Why? What’s going on?”

Newt shakes his head, his hand going back to his forearm. “I don’t know.”

“Then what’s this?” Thomas asks, reaching over and grabbing Newt’s hand. He pushes his sleeve up, holding his breath and getting ready to see the signs of the Flare. But there’s nothing. Just skin. “Oh. I thought — “

Newt shakes his head, pulling his sleeve back down. But he doesn’t move his hand away, looking down and lacing his fingers through Thomas’s. “It’s nothing. Sometimes when I get angry or nervous it starts bothering me. And — never mind.”

Thomas nudges him lightly. “Newt. Please, no secrets.”

Sighing, Newt looks down at the ground below them. “There’s this thing. It’s hard to explain. But earlier, when I had that... episode... it felt like there was... something in my head. It feels like it’s jumping around and driving me mad, and that — that’s how it felt the first time.”

“Newt?” Minho asks, fear clearly evident in his voice. “Can you just be straight with us? Do you think something’s going wrong with the cure? Do you have the Flare again?”

“I... I don’t know.” Newt looks between the two of them, squeezing Thomas’s hand. “But I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if — “

“No If’s,” Thomas says. “Like you said, you’re allowed to have bad days and be angry.”

Minho nods in agreement. “And maybe it’s normal. I mean, we don’t know anyone who took the cure other than you, right? Maybe with the cure, if there are spikes in brain activity, or a lot of emotions then you have little relapses. And today was definitely a roller coaster... It could be perfectly normal.”

It’s quiet for a moment, then Newt chuckles. “That might be the most intelligent thing I’ve ever heard come out of your shuck mouth.”

Minho just rolls his eyes, laughing softly. But Thomas looks up at Newt. “He might be right. We can’t jump to any conclusions, so let’s just take it easy, okay? You seem fine right now, and we can deal with things as they come.”

Newt nods in agreement. It seems like none of them want to do much thinking about these kinds of problems. Not when these problems should have been over after they arrived at the Safe Haven.

It’s a few minutes before any of them talk again. They just sit there, Newt and Thomas holding hands, and Minho leaning back on his elbows. It’s freezing out, but they don’t seem to care that they’re numb. Because they’re together, and they’re happy. Things suddenly feel easy.

Finally Newt gets to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

“Where you going?” Thomas asks casually, but Newt doesn’t respond, climbing through the window and disappearing inside.

After a few minutes there’s a thump from behind, and they turn to find that Newt has set a cardboard box on the roof, and he’s climbing out again.

Thomas glances at Minho, then looks back to Newt. “What’s that?” he asks as Newt picks the box up and comes back over.

“This right here, boys, is our childhood in a box.” Newt plops it down and sits back by Thomas.

It’s positioned behind Thomas and Newt, so Minho goes and sits behind them while they twist a bit to rummage around in it.

“Where were you keeping this stuff?” Thomas asks, chuckling.

“The attic,” Newt answers.

Thomas pauses. “Wait, we have an attic?”

Grinning, Newt nods. “And that would be why you never found out about it.”

Minho scoffs. “Why are there so many books in here?”

“Tommy was big on reading. Apparently those were some of your favorites.”

Thomas looks in and takes a peek. Minho’s right. About half the box is filled up with books of different sizes and colors. “Weird...” It’s strange just now finding out about what kind of kid he was.

“And these are the letters I told you about,” Newt says, picking up a few folded pieces of paper. Some are in envelopes, others just unevenly folded.

Thomas grabs one and opens it, unable to stop himself from smiling widely at it.

 _Dear Tommy,_  
I had a really good time last night. Sorry that I woke you up but I just couldn’t wait to see you. I don’t think the others have any idea about us yet. We should keep it that way so we can have some more privacy. When they find out they’re gonna be prying at us and never leave us alone. At least Minho will. Anyway, Tommy... Thank you for last night and all the amazing nights we’ll have from here on out.  
Love,  
Newt

“Oh, so you shanks were in love before the Maze, too? You must be soulmates.” Minho snickers.

Newt rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut your trap,” he says, but he puts his arm around Thomas’s waist and holds him tight. He grabs another letter, unfolding the paper. “This one’s from you, Tommy.”

_Newt,  
Is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you or any of the others lately. Is there a problem? Please come see me tomorrow at our normal time. I love you._

“Here,” Minho says. “This one was with that, I think. It’s — Wait, it’s from me.”

_Thomas — stop writing to Newt. We’re not letting you manipulate us into thinking you’re our friend just to get thrown into another experiment. Stay away from us.  
\- Minho_

He knows that was part of his old life, but Thomas can’t help but become incredibly sad at that. He doesn’t want to think about hate being the last thing Newt associated with him before losing his memories. “Wow. I guess we had more problems other than just surviving.”

“I should probably go,” Minho announces, getting to his feet.

“Thanks, Minho,” Newt says, getting up and hugging him. “For everything.”

Minho nods. “Of course. Let me know if you need anything.”

Newt sits back down next to Thomas as Minho goes and climbs back in the window.

“It’s freezing,” Thomas says. “Should we go back inside?”

But Newt shakes his head. “No. This is nice. Come here.”

Thomas hears the front door open and shut, then out of the corner of his eye sees Minho trekking home through the snow. He scoots closer into Newt, letting himself be held, and they lie back, Thomas’s head resting on Newt’s chest and his arm draped around his middle as they look up at the sky.

“Tommy?”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna be okay,” Newt says, eyes still looking up. “I promise. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Thomas sighs, propping himself up on his elbow and looking over at him. “I’m always gonna worry about you, Newt.”

Newt smiles softly, pulling Thomas down to him and kissing him gently. It actually warms them both up, and when they’re done, Thomas lies back down, resting his head back on Newt’s chest.

It’s completely silent. And they just lie there on the roof, holding each other close, until Thomas falls asleep. Newt smiles down at him, kissing his head. He knows he’ll have to wake him up soon, bring him inside so they don’t freeze to death. But for now, he just admires everything in front of him. This home, this community. A place in the real world. His friends. The boy he gets to hold everyday. He lies there, admiring everything he has.

And everything he could lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh that was the last chapter!!!! I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you thought and any other potential newtmas fics you’re interested in!


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